One of the things I love about the Move with Grace lobby is all of the wonderful caring parents that gather to watch their kids! I have received recipes, supportive hugs, fashion advice and LOTS of parenting tips!! With three kids of my own and the wonderful kids at MWG I am always reading better ways to parent and support our parents in whatever they are going through.
Recently one of my moms mentioned a book … that I am in turn going to recommend. Here is an except about the book that I found …
In his book Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child, psychologist John Gottman says that when you help your child understand and handle overwhelming feelings such as anger, frustration, or confusion, you develop his emotional intelligence quotient, or emotional IQ.
Here are a couple of ideas from John Gottman:
Listen with empathy.
Pay close attention to your child when he says how he feels, then mirror what he’s shared back to him. If you suspect that your child feels abandoned because you’ve been spending lots of time with the new baby, for example, ask him if that’s what’s going on. If he agrees, you can say, “You’re right. Mommy’s been really busy with the baby.”
Then, use examples from your own life to show him you understand what he’s said. Tell him about how you felt when your own sibling got to go to the amusement park with your father and you didn’t, and how your own mom or dad made you feel better. This tells your child that everyone has these feelings, and that they will pass.
Turn tantrums into teaching tools.
If your child gets upset when he hears that he has an appointment with the dentist, help him feel in control by preparing for the visit. Talk with him about why he’s afraid, what he can expect during the visit, and why he needs to go. Tell him about a time you had stage fright before a recital or were scared to start a new job and one of your friends made you feel better. Talking through emotions works the same way for children as it does for most adults.
Set an example by staying calm.
You’ll also want to check how you react to your child’s display of emotions. It’s important not to be verbally harsh when you’re angry. Try saying, “It upsets me when you do that,” rather than “You make me crazy,” so your child understands that the problem is his behavior, not him. Be careful to avoid excessive criticism, which tends to chip away at a child’s self-confidence.
And above all else, stay in touch with your own feelings. Some parents ignore their own negative emotions, hoping to spare their children discomfort or difficulty. But hiding your real feelings will only confuse your child. By acknowledging that you’re displeased without acting upset, for instance, you show your child that even difficult feelings can be managed.
To read more on this subject
or get the book 🙂
I hope if you are new to Move with Grace Dance studio beyond your kids having a good time and making friends …. I hope you do too!